GOP Flat

Hey kids... Wanna have some fun and help support a Republican free government??? Here is how you can do both. The night before the election go out to the rich suburbs and find every house that has a Republican candidate' sign in the front yard. Then let all the air out of the tires of the cars parked in the driveway. The same goes for any cars on the street with a Bush Cheney or McCain Palin sticker on it. For the manor houses where the Lexus is locked away in the garage, just scatter a couple hundred wood screws at the end of the drive. Generally in the rich Republican neighborhoods the polls are too far to walk to. Unless On star can get help there before the polls close, you get a better government.

Porno for Palin

Larry Flynt has announced that he has found a Palin look alike to perform for his adult entertainment videos. The mind runs wild with possibilities... I will let you entertain your self with the fun that could be had in this scenario.

After this election is over and if the democratic ticket wins, Sarah will likely be impeached for ethics violations in Alaska, ending her political career. She may be looking for a job to support all those kids and grand kids. I hear Larry Flynt pays well. In six or eight short months you may get the real thing.

I would like to close by saying God Bless Larry Flynt

Maybe People are starting to figure it out!!!!

I just saw a pole that showed that people favored Obama over McCain by 5% and that registered voters favored him by 4%... Maybe people are starting to figure it out... Figure out what??? I know that some of the things I have said in this blog may be stretching the truth just a bit but here is soemthing that is true, and it's what I think people are starting to figure out...

IF YOU ARE MAKING LESS THAN 250,000 DOLLARS A YEAR THE REPUBLICANS DO NOT HAVE YOUR BEST INTEREST IN MIND!!!!

An LJFR Exclusive

An indepth look at the Republican Economic Plan.










Downright interesting ain't it!!!

Dear John McCain...

Dear John McCain could you or one of your narrow minded, sexually repressed toadies please explain to me what the hell your economic plan is? It seems like every time someone asks McStain and company "What would John McCain do to improve the economy?" The answer is" Barack Obama is going to raise taxes which is what we don't want to do." Well what the hell are you going to do? I'm just a dumbass welding inspector but it pretty much sounds to me like you don't have a plan to do a goddamn thing. If the underlying economic fundamentals are strong sounds like you don't have to do anything. Which means your just going to continue the status quo. FOR FUCK SAKE MAN THE REPUBLICAN TRICKLE DOWN HASN'T DONE A GODDAMN THING BUT DRIVE THE NATIONAL DEBT, BOTH UNDER REAGAN BUSH 1 AND BUSH 2 TO A LEVEL OF 9.6 TRILLION DOLLARS. WHERE THE FUCK IS ALL THAT MONEY? IN SOME FUCKING ARAB'S BACK POCKET IS MY GUESS. IN THE BACK OF POCKET OF THE WEALTHIEST 2% ARISTOCRACY!!!! SO EXACTLY WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING TO DO DIFFERENT YOU PACK OF SHITBAGS? QUIT LYING ABOUT OBAMA FOR HALF A MINUTE AND GIVE US A CLUE!!!!

Joe Batters

I'd like it if every time some fuckhead republican got on TV and told a half truth or lie like Obama is going to raise taxes on the middle class, or Palin stopped the bridge or McCain is a maverick or whatever bullshit spin they like to run. Every time this shit happens a six foot 8, 350 pound Cecil Fielder wanna be came on the TV and beat the shit out of them with a baseball bat. It would be so fun just to sit and watch every time some bullshit republican lobby whore opened their pie hole they had to be looking out the side of their eye to see if the Louisville slugger was going to pound them down like a butcher tenderizing meat. That would make me happy.

I watched the interview and here's the conclusion I came to

Dude She's dumber than Dan Quayle....

taking the day off

In an attempt not to politicize 9-11 the candidates took the day off from flinging poo at each other. We here at Lawnjobs for Republicans have not stopped digging in the dirt to bring you the truth as we interpret it however.

First we can conclusively say that Cindy McCain is Skeletor. She was seen resting and rejuvenating at Castle Greyskull and plotting to conquer Eternia with the Marines after her husband steals the presidency by rigging the voting machines in Ohio.

Second we have confirmed that the vetting process used to sort Sarah Palin from a crowd of fascist religious nut jobs relied heavily on e-harmony' personality profile.

Pigs with Lipstick

Oink oink woof woof oink oink where's my lipstick? Oink oink woof where's my lipstick?Oink oink woof woof oink oink where's my lipstick? Oink oink woof where's my lipstick?Oink oink woof woof oink oink where's my lipstick? Oink oink woof where's my lipstick?Oink oink woof woof oink oink where's my lipstick? Oink oink woof where's my lipstick?Oink oink woof woof oink oink where's my lipstick? Oink oink woof where's my lipstick?Oink oink woof woof oink oink where's my lipstick? Oink oink woof where's my lipstick?Oink oink woof woof oink oink where's my lipstick? Oink oink woof where's my lipstick?Oink oink woof woof oink oink where's my lipstick? Oink oink woof where's my lipstick?Bridge to nowhere I stopped it! bridge to nowhere I stopped it!!!Bridge to nowhere, I stopped it!!!WE LIKE TO TELL LIES WE LIKE TO TELLS LIES WE LIKE TO TELL LIES OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN. PLEASE BELIEVE OUR LIES AND OUR BULLSHIT PLEASE BELIEVE OUR LIES AND OUR BULLSHIT WE KEEP SAYING IT SO IT MUST BE TRUE WE KEEP ON SAYING IT MUST BE TRUE WE KEEP ON SAYING IT SO IT MUST BE TRUE WE KEEP ON SAYING IT MUST BE TRUE. MAVERICK CHANGE CHANGE MAVERICK WOOF WOOF LIES LIES MUST BE TRUE WOOF WOOF OINK OINK

Orgy at the Golden Lamb

John and Cindy McCain, Sarah Palin and other Republican leaders passed out Viagra and KY Jelly to a crowd of rabid supporters and lead them in a massive orgy on the lawn outside a venerable restaurant in the small town of Lebanon Ohio today. The Golden Lamb, a historic restaurant which has hosted such notable guests as US Presidents and Charles Dickens was the scene of human carnage this afternoon. Several aging GOP supporters suffered from heart failure and had to be taken to the hospital. The event featured thousands of sex toys imported from China and culminated when Cindy McCain sodomized Sarah Palin with a glass dildo while husband John masturbated furiously between her breast. The elder statesman despite the erectile dysfunction meds was still unable to achieve an erection. When questioned by members of the press, McCain campaign adviser Karl Rove said "Hey sex sells, we're desperate here!!!"

moosewoman speaking in tongues

Sarah Palin, GOP VP candidate and former Pentecost, was caught speaking in tongues in Missouri today. The McCain campaign denied accusations that she is a religious nut job, stating that she was just choking on moose sausage.

Lawn jobs for republicans

I have a vision of a 1967 Dodge Polara, with a 383 cubic inch engine, rear wheel drive, posi-trac and a 3700 pound curb weight. I see it driving through nicely manicured yards, grinding John McCain signs under the 17" studded snow tires. Kentucky blue grass spitting out from under the wheels with shreds of Republican propaganda. This makes me happy. It reminds me that there are many unemployed people who voted for Bush. Voting for Bush, now that was a good idea you unemployed bastards... How many more soon to be un-employed will vote for McCain?