John and Cindy McCain, Sarah Palin and other Republican leaders passed out Viagra and KY Jelly to a crowd of rabid supporters and lead them in a massive orgy on the lawn outside a venerable restaurant in the small town of Lebanon Ohio today. The Golden Lamb, a historic restaurant which has hosted such notable guests as US Presidents and Charles Dickens was the scene of human carnage this afternoon. Several aging GOP supporters suffered from heart failure and had to be taken to the hospital. The event featured thousands of sex toys imported from China and culminated when Cindy McCain sodomized Sarah Palin with a glass dildo while husband John masturbated furiously between her breast. The elder statesman despite the erectile dysfunction meds was still unable to achieve an erection. When questioned by members of the press, McCain campaign adviser Karl Rove said "Hey sex sells, we're desperate here!!!"
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